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African Flirtation and Seduction Culture

By: Christine Akiteng

[ Posted On: 2006-05-07 ]

Most Westerners who visit Africa report that Africans do not kiss or cuddle in "public" and thus conclude that Africans are not affectionate towards each other or Africans do not flirt. What they fail to see, and is probably beyond their imagination is the intensity and subtlety of African seduction. Two people can pay each other's whole body compliments, ask questions and engage in sexual foreplay just with eye expression alone. Those familiar with the body language that accompanies this "gaze-seduction" know what is happening. So when two people "disappear", others in their company know they are "doing it". I've had incidences when two people return after you-know-what and my western companions innocently ask "where have you been?" drawing giggles and sometimes loud laughter from those of us who know.

Flirting and seduction is one of those things that both genders kind of grow into and enjoy as a way of creating erotic tension ( a lot of such behaviour such as taunting, daring, heckling, cat calls and open admiration of body parts would get many slapped with a sexual harassment law suit in North America). Just admitting that I loved it when men openly admire me on a Toronto TV call- in show got me told by a very angry woman to "go back to Africa." Boy, does honesty get us into trouble sometimes!.

In traditional African societies men and women, young and old have the "permission" to be openly sexual in a culturally acceptable way. Sexual expression and enjoyment is not something that simply happens when a young man or woman reaches a certain chronological age. Parents and close family members are fully responsible for sexual education at the child’s early age but as boys and girls reach puberty, the community is responsible for their sexual education and to ensure that they have sexually fulfilling lives. The community hands over this responsibility for adolescent’s sexual education to same-gender elders selected for their position in the community, their erotic experience and inherited abilities to understand the intricate nature of sexual relationships.

Coming of age or into adulthood is a systematic process for boys and girls around 12-18 years of age. At the puberty rites of passage, girls and boys are often taken out of the community, and away from the concerns of everyday life, to teach them all the ways of adulthood. They are exposed to rigorous study of the self, one's purpose in life and contribution to society. The initiates examine their beliefs, values and thoughts (Who am I? What is the meaning of my existence? What do I have within me to achieve my life’s purpose? How do I know the truth? How do I know when I step out of harmony with whom I truly am? etc) in a non-threatening atmosphere and are guided to find their sense of self. Before joining the adult community they also learn about the changes happening in their minds and bodies as well as the responsibilities that come with those changes, rules and taboos of the society; moral instruction and social responsibility. Their education also includes the "how to" of sex. They are instructed with songs, riddles, games and parables of a more explicit character, the transmission of data being regarded as a most central part of the rite of passage to adulthood.

Boys learn about a masculinity cockiness whose discourse is centered on protecting, taking care of and giving pleasure to women. Their sexual "how to" education includes knowledge about "medicinal plants", ideas about sexual prowess and endurance and "sex-fasts" - a ritual type of abstinence used as away of heightening the senses. The rites of passage curriculum for girls is centered on self-awareness, grace and dignity. Their "pleasure' education includes how to emotionally and physically prepare themselves for intercourse; including such techniques as clitoris elongation and massage, masturbation (looking for the bean in the oil as they call it), the use of tantalizing jingling and jangling sexual movements enhanced with musical sounds, beads, body decorations, scents and incense that heighten sexual pleasure. Girls also learn about culturally prescribed coital positions and art of lovemaking.

The months immediately following initiation into adulthood is the time of exploration, fun, joyfulness, laughter and defining one’s sexual identity and assertiveness. Girls and boys move away from playing with their own sexual parts to exploring relationships with the opposite gender; playing pranks, engaging in petty altercations, feigned pain, disgust, and anger and mutual teasing like addressing each other as "honey", "heartthrob", "sweetheart" "husband" or "wife." Girls say to boys things like: "You are so much in love with me, you can’t sleep at night" "You look at me and wish you could have me, dream on" etc. And boys to girls "Have you fed our baby? or ”would you mind preparing my dinner tonight, dear wife?" and so on.

The relationship between young men and women becomes more physical because of their engagement in co-ed wrestling and stage-acted fighting routines. They also earn culturally acceptable sexual expression and public sexual contact through formalized flirtation and seduction dance ceremonies or moonlight dances. These are settings in which young people ages 11 - 18 are allowed (expected is more like it) to explore seductive and flirtatious communication including through silent speech and suggestive and provocative dance moves. The dances take place during the full moon in a special arena cleared for the occasion, or in a chief’s or elder’s compound. For every young person these are special occasions that require a lot of preparation; plaiting hair, decoration the body with ornaments, whitening teeth using certain roots and so forth.

Dances begin at dusk and when the drum summoning dancers is played. The dance itself is performed in a circle with the dancers facing the centre, or in a line following a circular path with the drummers in the centre. In some dances boys and girls alternate dancing in the centre of the circle while the opposite sex admire their dance moves. In other dances, individuals step in the circle one after the other. A dancer is rated primarily by his or her ability to stamp out the rhythm of the drum with his or her feet and to follow the musical rhythm of the song with the simultaneous use of the torso and shoulders, and the rapid vibrations or twists of the buttocks and pelvis. Characteristic rhythmic patterns vary from culture to culture, and from dance to dance within one culture but the common feature in all cultures is the simultaneous rhythmic body articulation, foot-stamping and or light leap movements. The drummers and other dancers respond to a good performance by a lively chorus usually laden with erotic innuendo.

I remember one particular chorus in my birth language translated into English might resemble:

I was in my house and would have liked to stay
But he [drummer] has come and wants to discuss the matter in public
So I have left my house and that is why you see me here

I am like a cricket. I would like to sing
But the wall of earth that surrounds me prevents me
Someone has forced me to come out of my hole
So I will sing

I am like the dog that stays before the door until he gets a bone
You have forced me to come when the sun has set
We shall still be here when the sun rises

Nobody goes both ways at the same time
You have told me this and you have told me that
One of the two must be wrong
That is why I am here

Chorus

Is something bothering you?
Why not step in the circle?
Is something itching you?
Why not appease the throb?
See what will happen.
Who knows, maybe…

Each dancer then steps into the middle of the circle and completes the sentence with erotic motions. Even the most reluctant observer testifies to the hopelessness of resistance once the “drum throbs”. “It’s like one is drawn in by an omnipotent will” explained one woman. “You feel it in your heart and your chest begins to expand. It spreads throughout the body and you begin to move. It enters your bones and you just give up. How can you resist something more powerful than yourself?”

The sensual abandon leaves little to the imagination. As the tempo of the drumming, singing, clapping, cheers and ululations mount, the dancer dances him or herself into an ecstatic trance and is caught by same gender friends. One performance is followed by another. There are also songs and dances to court lovers and to insult rivals. More over, most African dances, except those performed for audiences are not dependant on choreographic principles or some structured content or even on modern technology, instead they mirror and reflect an evolving identity and personality, express individual freedom and pent-up emotions.

Some daring and overly self-confident young man will from time to time dance towards the girls and flaunt his hips or pelvis. The girls then mockingly strike back by tightly knitting in a unit with arms around one another's waists. This stops the young man from singling out any particular one girl as his target for teasing. But some young men not repelled by that kind of sisterly bonding will continue to approach sending the girls running away, laughing and screaming euphorically, only to come back and join the dance.

It is at times like these that girls and boys learn what is successful in transmitting sexual energy and attracting attention in order to be chosen by the opposite sex and what is responsible sexual behaviour. Girls learn that showing off healthy skin and childbearing hips, eye or soul-gazing and a confident and cheerful personality gets the boys all wound up. Boys on the other hand learn that physical fitness and flexibility, playfulness and cockiness are attributes that make one stand out

During the breaks when drummers change to dancers and some dancers take over the drumming, boys and girls step aside into the more less lit corners either in groups or pairs. There may be affectionate petting- stroking and caressing- but sexual intercourse is not supposed to take place - well, sometimes it does. In many traditional African societies, boys and girls are strictly forbidden to engage in penetrative sex until they are properly initiated into adult status. Many cultures have what is accepted or permissible as adolescent or “immature sex” and what is considered adult or mature sex. Adolescents may be permitted to engage in all forms of sexual pleasure except in penetrative sex. In many cultures, penetrative sex is believed to be harmful mainly because the girl will get pregnant out of wedlock something which is considered as severe disgrace her family status. Usually brothers and cousins monitor their sisters or cousins to make sure no sexual intercourse takes place and also to make sure no young man tries to force them to doing anything against their will. The more respected and feared a girl’s brothers and cousins, the more respectful young men are towards her.

Parents and elders as a whole do not interfere with the flirtations of their children. Some parents may sit at a distance and watch for socially unacceptable behaviour. A boy or girl who disrespects the family name with unacceptable behaviour gets heavily punished. Depending on the gravity of the crime, punishment can be anything from scolding to spanking with a leather whip.

Enabling the sexes to meet on neutral ground, openly and respectably tends to remove some of the secrecy and unhealthy curiosity that is part of the mental transition from the self-contained experience of early youth to the new awareness of the new polarity of sex. Teen competitiveness, constant body contact and purported romantic liaisons all provide individual and interactive challenges, and contribute to personal maturation, social development and spiritual enrichment. They provide an individual a level of confidence and exuberance that comes from a healthy sexual attitude and a healthy sexual life.

Unfortunately, traditional systems of education are quickly disappearing and many young people today get too little or no meaningful sexual education. Like young people in Western countries they experiment with sex based on the little sexual information they come across in books, on television and from their peers. As Africa becomes more “modernized”, adolescence to adulthood rites are becoming getting a driver's license, getting drunk or getting laid. Many young people grow up uneasy and uncomfortable about their bodies and most are out of touch with their sexual thoughts, feelings and bodily responses. Formal schools and universities in modern Africa are often the centres of even greater ignorance.

Article Source: http://www.afroarticles.com/article-dashboard

About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renown Sex Appeal and Sexual Confidence Expert, and Dating Coach has helped hundreds prepare for and attract the "right" people, co-create and experience absolute and abundant love, fun and happiness. To learn more about Christine and the services she offers please visit her website: www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com .

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